I coasted through my twenties

My first 24 years didn’t prepare me that much for struggle. Things played out in a straight forward way and I thought my life was off to the races. As life does, something came along and knocked me on my ass. Instead of using this opportunity to know myself better, I thought that god must have a reason and something good would come of it. I tried to let it go at that. It was incredibly painful and I wasn’t emotionally mature enough to handle it. I just wanted things to go back to how they were, and swept it under the rug as best as I could. I waited for the pain to go away and after a long time figured I must be over it when I didn’t think about it every single day.

I was wrong. It laid a seed inside me that would take years to work it’s way to the surface. Now here I am, trying to pull everything out of the drawers and closets and take a good hard look. I don’t like everything I see, I don’t understand everything I see, I don’t know what I should keep and what should go away. But I’m looking and thinking. I won’t let this opportunity pass me by and face this same thing again in 10 years when it will be even worse.

Faith. Love. Happiness. Friends. Family. Meaning. Ya know, Big Stuff. Some of it is very scary because I could end up in a very different place than I am now. I could hurt and disappoint people I care about.

Fear. I have a lot of that. Fear of wrong decisions. Fear of regret. Fear of consequences unseen. Fear of the unknown. I acknowledge it and promise myself to not let it hold me back from where I should go.

Has life been kinda easy for you? Don’t worry, the universe will come calling. But you know what? The hard times are when life matters most. We can only grow when life is tough.